


Fast Car

by saucyminx



Series: The House Rules [11]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-27
Updated: 2011-06-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A novel length story of a struggling country singer and the young man who tries to change his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chad wasn’t much of a social networking kind of guy. During his days in college he’d gotten a facebook because everyone had one and people tended to ask him about it before even asking for his phone number. But over the past year he could honestly say he’d only been to the site twice. Once had been shortly after Jared and Jensen married, when Jared kept pestering him about going online to see the pictures though Chad insisted he’d been there, he didn’t really need to.

The second had been after he got his teaching job. The Principal - Jeffery Morgan - had let it casually slip that students were master of the site and if he had anything from his past he’d rather they not know about, it would be a good time to take it down. Chad had never been a partier in college so none of the pictures were embarrassing but he’d still locked things up and come to the decision that he wouldn’t add any students friends requests, it just seemed to make more sense.

It was once more Jared’s fault the third time he got on. For some reason the man kept insisting he check out some _hilarious_ video and refused to send him a link, continually saying things like, “it’s on my Facebook!” Chad had caved for his own sanity, more than anything else.

The video turned out to be pretty funny, so he wasn’t nearly as annoyed, and Chad had been ready to log off and start work on the stack of papers he had to grade when a picture and a name caught his eye.

It was odd, the way life worked sometimes. For months after the break up Chad had thought he would never recover, and even now, after almost a year, the lingering ache and hollowness still occasionally haunted him. But he’d pushed through it, he’d learned to smile again, had even managed to move back to California and start fresh with a nice apartment and a good job. And though he’d always thought that anything regarding his once lover would tear him apart again, it didn’t.

 _Christian Kane - Exclusive Solo Performance @ Java Jive_

Chad hadn’t tried to keep track of Christian after their break up. Sure, he’d wanted to, more than anything really, but it had been impossible. And in the end it was the right decision. They both needed time, to heal, to get better, to change.

Chad had done those things he thought. Which was maybe why, in the end, he decided to go. Even though Chad still had the man’s CD it had been a long time since he’d heard him play. It had been too painful before to listen to the man’s music but Chad thought maybe he was at a place in his life where he could watch him live and it wouldn’t rip his heart out. So he made a note of the time and place and logged off, heading to the neglected school work.

Java Jive was a small coffee shop, a locally run place that had a bit of a reputation for letting unknown artists perform. Chad had considered asking Jared or Jensen to come with him but decided against it. Neither man held a grudge toward Christian but he figured there were some things better done alone.

Chad arrived fifteen minutes before the show and got a coffee, taking a seat in the back and slowly sipping from his drink. He wasn’t as nervous as he thought he might be - back when he used to consider what it would be like to run into Christian again. He was actually a little excited to see the man perform, just him and his guitar. It had always been the way Chad liked Christian’s music best.

Christian had been sitting in the staff room for a while and the Manager came to get him when it seemed like people were settled. Smiling, Christian shook the man's hand and picked up his guitar. It was a pretty packed house, which was good considering it was a coffee shop.

Waving, Christian sat down on the stool that was on the small stage and smiled. "Can y'all hear me?"

He laughed when there was a round of _yeahs_ and clapping and then settled his guitar on his knee. "So, I'm Christian. Thank y'all for comin' out. This is a special show for me, comin' back around. Sometimes things just go full circle and it's the right time at the right place kind of thing. See..." Christian smiled when someone laughed softly.

"I was in love this time last year. Best time of my life and I messed it up. He was the greatest thing in my world and well, I still drank then and I was too dumb to figure out I was wreckin' the best thing I ever had. So. Anyway. I'm back. I dunno where he is now - think I still love him. And... this song kinda makes me think of him."

Sweeping his hair back, Christian began to play _Fast Car_. Closing his eyes, he lost himself in the music and lyrics, swaying slightly as he sang.

All Chad’s preconceived notions that he wouldn’t be affected by seeing Christian live again flew out the window when the man actually appeared. And when he spoke, the air whooshed out of Chad’s lungs so fast he felt the head rush and had to clutch his coffee tightly. It didn’t hurt, not the way he thought it would, and as the man started to sing and play Chad actually found himself smiling, maybe just a little sadly.

Chad settled back in his seat and let his eyes fix on Christian. He looked good, healthy, completely sober. Chad was pleased to see that the man had managed to get things together, and was still playing music, still _trying_. He thought maybe Christian had grown too, changed, and that couldn’t possibly be a bad thing.

He knew a few of the songs Christian played but most appeared to be new material, songs Chad could read into but chose not to. Sometimes trying to read the subtext only landed him in hot water. When the man finished everyone cheered and Chad smiled down at his coffee, clapping as well.

He considered leaving. It wasn’t like Christian knew he was there and maybe the man was better off now, maybe it would hurt too much. But Chad had always been a little weaker when it came to Christian and even if it was just to say hi, he couldn’t help lingering in the shop.

A small crowd had gathered close to the stage, fans wanted to find out about a new CD or where he’d be performing next. Chad weaved his way through the tables and people, watching as Christian smiled and laughed with fans in between unplugging speakers and cleaning up. Chad lingered outside the group, deciding some things were worth waiting for anyway.

Eventually the last group of girls turned, giggling together as they headed through the shop. They’d made Christian sign their coffee cups and Chad couldn’t help laughing softly at that. “Better watch yourself, I hear groupies can be pretty dangerous,” he said quietly as he stepped closer to the small stage, hands tucked in his pockets, eyes still fixed on the man.

Christian would know that voice anywhere. He still heard it in his dreams, and sometimes, when he sat on the tailgate of the truck he was sure he could hear the soft whisper of his name on the wind. Looking up slowly Christian smiled warmly when he saw Chad. His heart leaped in his chest and he raised his eyebrows and pressed his hand over his heart and staggered back a couple of steps as his grin widened.

Chad was gorgeous. Perfectly fitting jeans, a navy sweater that just made the blue of his eyes even brighter. Christian could feel the way his heart raced as he stepped over his guitar and hopped down off the stage. "No glasses," he said softly as he gazed up at Chad.

“Nah, well, the kids make fun of them.” Chad shrugged, watching something flicker across Christian’s face before laughing softly and shaking his head. “My students. I mean, they don’t make fun of them to my face but it’s high school, last thing I want is to be the geek science teacher.” _God_ Christian really did look good, Chad thought the no drinking thing was working very well for the man. “You look amazing.”

"Well, you're kind of a sight for sore eyes yourself." Christian's smile softened and he stepped closer with his arms held out. "Can I..." He tilted his head to the side and shrugged a shoulder.

For just a moment Chad hesitated, not certain he could really handle touching Christian. Then he thought about walking away and never having that chance and he was stepping forward, letting his arms wrap around the man. The smell was just slightly different, fresher, sharper, and Chad closed his eyes and breathed him in. “Been a while,” he murmured softly, not quite sure he wanted to step away.

"Yeah," Christian laughed softly and turned into Chad's hair slightly before squeezing him again and stepping back. Looking down he wiped at the tears that were appearing in his eyes then looked back up at Chad and grinned. "Sorry, that felt good." He laughed again, maybe a little nervous and tugged his shirt sleeve down to wipe at his face again. "Can you stick around for a coffee? Catch up, maybe?"

“Yeah? Yeah. I’d, that’d be good.” Chad nodded and if he had to admit, he was a little teary eyed himself. He didn’t want to stop looking at Christian, kind of didn’t want to stop touching him either. “It’s still warm enough to sit outside, if you want?” Somehow the idea of being outside with Christian stuck in his brain and he couldn’t shake the _want_ for it.

"You wanna get a table? I'll get you a coffee and bring it out." Christian back away slowly. There was still a part of him that worried that if he turned away Chad might be gone.

“Still remember how I take it?” Chad asked softly, smile lingering on his lips.

“Sure do, mild roast, cream and three sugars and I’ll even bring you the chocolate covered coffee beans you never brought me home when you got _me_ a coffee.” Grinning, Christian turned and headed up to the counter and ordered two coffees.

Chad was still laughing softly, shaking his head as he pushed the door open and headed for a table half in the shadows outside. Through the window of the shop he could see Christian and he’d be lying if he said his eyes didn’t travel to the man’s snug enough jeans. Chad _was_ still human after all.

He tugged his phone out and started a text, smirk tugging at his lips.

 _ **Chad**_ : Guess who I’m having coffee with  
 _ **Jared**_ : That cute gym teacher? What’s his name? Justin?  
 _ **Chad**_ : Christian.  
 _ **Jared**_ : !!!!!!!!!!

Chad laughed, looking up just as Christian set two coffees on the table. He held his phone up, shrugging. “Jared. He’s still as dramatic as ever.”

Smiling, Christian shook his head. “How was the wedding? Did Jared cry?” Christian had thought about them all on that day; how he should have been there with Chad. It had made him sad, but strangely happy that he knew for just a few moments where Chad was that particular day.

“Oh they were both a bawling mess. My pocket was full of tissues, the whole thing was rather dramatic. Then the DJ played House Rules and I broke a champagne glass.” Chad looked up from his coffee, his smile fading slightly. “It was... yeah. Anyway. They’re still happily married, still very much in the honeymoon phase. We used to have dinner and movie nights at their place until the night they seemed to forget I was there in the middle of the movie and well, awkward.” Chad clenched his teeth together, stopping himself from babbling any further.

"I'm nervous too," Christian said softly. Chad always talked a lot when he was nervous. "If you still had glasses I bet you'd be cleaning 'em right now." When Chad looked up and met his gaze Christian winked. "Kinda miss the glasses," he said with a warm smile.

“Me too actually. I usually take my contacts out right after school and I don’t touch them on the weekends but I...” Chad wet his lips, smiling slightly down at his coffee and shrugging. “I wanted to look good tonight. Just in case we got the chance to talk.”

"I'm really glad you came." Christian shook his head and blinked away tears again. "God, feels likes a million years ago and like it just happened - all at the same time, y'know?" He curled his hands around his cup and let the warmth of it soothe him.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Chad popped the chocolate covered coffee bean into his mouth, just for something to distract him. “I saw your thing on Facebook. It was all fate really, I wouldn’t have known otherwise. You were, god, you were just great. Really.” Chad couldn’t help it, his hand was already extending until he could touch Christian’s, laying over his soft skin, fingers curling slowly.

“Thanks.” Christian smiled and threaded his fingers through Chad's. "Didn't play a thing for a long time after I left here. Then I just started again one day, clean slate and all that. Haven't had a drink in over eleven months - guess the music came back somewhere in the middle of gettin' sober."

“I’m glad it did.” Chad’s heart was already picking up speed, just from Christian holding his hand, and that was almost a little shocking. “So, did you go into a program? Or have you done it all on your own?” Chad was _proud_. Whether that was odd or not he wasn’t sure, but it was enough to make him smile once more.

"Well. I left you that night and drove and drove and drank and it just didn't work anymore. It ... didn't stop the hurt. So - yeah, I found a place, a ranch." Christian smiled and squeezed Chad's fingers. "Worked on the ranch and learned about ... _shit_ , what _didn't_ I learn about? Met some good people and - yeah. Here I am."

Christian's thumb moved over the back of Chad's hand and he stared down at their fingers. He'd never thought he would even see Chad again, let alone touch him. "You? You're teachin', that's great. You doing good otherwise?"

“Yeah. I spent a few weeks after you left wallowing in misery in the apartment. Then I went home, to my parents, for a few months except for Jared and Jensen’s wedding. I just needed some time to get my head on straight.” Chad smiled sadly down at his coffee and cleared his throat, finding it hard to think back to that time. “I was pretty messed up for a while, learned a lot about myself. Then finally, just after Christmas my dad sat me down and gave me this big ol’ speech about life and stuff, cleared things up.”

Chad used his free hand to sip from the coffee, not wanting to stop touching Christian any time soon. “So, I moved back here, got a place. I started at the school as just a temporary thing but the science position opened up and Jeffery, the Principal, he offered me the position. It’s been an experience but I like it. And you, you’re working on the music thing? Anything else going?” Chad might have meant _anyone_ but he couldn’t get himself to ask.

"Just gettin' in shape, still going to see a counselor. Went home for a while to close some doors." Christian sighed and tilted his head a little as he studied Chad's face. "Left the band. Obviously - I just sing and write on my own now. Don't see - don't see any of them anymore. I've been tryin' to figure out where to settle down and make myself a home. Figured it was time to do that."

He took a sip of his coffee as Chad nodded and set it back down gently. "You seein' someone?" How could Chad not be? For some reason, Christian just needed to hear it.

Chad’s lips twitched in a slight smile, considering the best way to answer. There was a spark of hope fluttering in his heart and he wasn’t sure that was a good or bad thing. “No. I um, haven’t, since you.” Chad lifted a shoulder in some type of a shrug, sipping from his coffee once more. It occurred to him how it wasn’t weird at all that he was still holding Christian’s hand and didn’t want to pull away. “How about you? Judging from the girls today, I’d say you have plenty ready and willing.”

"Me? No," Christian laughed. "It's funny, I thought when I came out that it would all kind of work against me. Most people don't seem to care either way. Had a few weird experiences in country bars but for the most part - it's all good. I swear the women seem to think it's even better once they know I'm gay."

Christian pushed his coffee aside so he could cover Chad's hand with his. "I don't think I could ever love anybody the way I love you. Didn't seem fair to try."

The air caught in Chad’s lungs and he stared at Christian, a smile twitching on and off his lips as if he wasn’t sure whether he should smile or not. “Yeah, that’s kind of how I’ve felt about it.” It wasn’t lost on him that Christian said _love_ , not loved. “In your intro tonight, you said... did you, do you mean that?” It was a little vague but Chad was pretty sure Christian knew what he wanted to know. Was Christian still in love with him?

Christian's eyes widened slightly as he remembered what he'd said. "Am I still in love with you?" Christian smiled sadly then closed his eyes for a few moments. "I think I love you more now, than I ever did. But - I get it - I know why we had to split up. You put up with a lot and I'm glad you knew to get out. You know how sorry I am, I hope? I know how much I hurt you and I regret it. I would take it all back if I could."

“I wouldn’t.” Chad admitted quietly and shrugged when Christian looked up at him. “I’ve learned a lot of things in the past year and, while a lot of things that happened were your fault, a lot were mine too. I thought I was fixing you but I wasn’t, I was maybe even hurting you, by always forgiving you, taking you back, making excuses. You needed help and I needed to step back so you could get that help. Everything hurt, and I spent a long time crying over you, but I’ve never once regretted everything we had, and I’ve never been mad at you. And I still...” Chad bit his lip and looked away, not quite sure he could bring himself to say it.

Tears welled in Christian's eyes again and he blinked as he stared across at Chad. "It's okay," Christian said softly. "I know things have changed for you. That's good. I really did want you to be okay." Sighing, Christian squeezed Chad's hand and let go, sitting back. "This is good though, right? Gettin' to finally see each other again?"

Chad stared down at his hand, flexing his fingers and slowly pulling back. He instantly missed the heat of Christian’s hand and he didn’t like the way it sounded like Christian was getting ready to go. “Yeah,” he said quietly, rubbing his fingers along the back of his neck. “So, how long are you in town?” Chad wasn’t sure if he’d expected things to magically happen between them, but the way his heart was aching suggested he probably shouldn’t have latched onto the swell of hope.

Shrugging a shoulder, Christian picked up his coffee and took a sip. "Couple more days. I don't really stick to much of a schedule, I just kinda go where the wind takes me." Grinning, he tucked his hair back behind his ear and his smile faded. "You know, Chad. I - I didn't mean I regretted a moment of the time I spent with you. You know that right? I just meant the things that I messed up. The things that made you leave."

“You left,” Chad whispered and looked up, giving Christian a sad smile and shaking his head. “I still can’t really, think about that day, you know without getting really worked up like I do. It’s hard.” Chad exhaled slowly, glancing down at his phone. It was almost eleven and Chad had to be up early for a staff meeting. “I gotta head home, early morning and all.”

"Really?" Christian heart did a little stutter stop and he fumbled with his coffee until he got it back on the table. Sliding his hand back over Chad's he picked up the man's hand and cupped it between both of his. "You think I could see you again before I go? Maybe dinner or - a drive?" He couldn't stand the thought that this might be another good-bye.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Do you... would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow? My place, it’s not much, but... I could cook for you again.” It had been a _long_ time since he’d cooked for Christian, he missed it.

Christian's eyes brightened and his shoulders relaxed slightly. "I'd love to. Can I bring my guitar? Maybe play you some of my new songs?"

“Of course, that sounds really good.” Chad stood, pulling Christian up with him. He stared down at the man, hand still placed between Christian’s. “Do - you want my number? Or just my address?” He may have been swaying slightly closer to the man, eyes fixed on his lips.

"Do you live far from here?" Christian was stalling, feeling like he didn't want the night to end.

“Not really no. Where are you staying?” Chad half stepped a little closer until he could feel the heat of Christian’s body. It was almost surreal to be standing there with the man again.

"About three blocks from here. The Windsor. I walked here, you think maybe you could give me a lift there?" Christian dropped his gaze because if he kept staring at Chad he was going to do something stupid.

“Yeah, no problem. I’m just a few blocks from there. You know the Hathowrn Apartments? On 16th?” Chad let his fingers slide through Christian’s, waiting for the man to lift his guitar before leading the way to the parking lot. “The ones with the fountain thing in the front?”

Christian nodded as he picked up his guitar. “That’s a cool place. One of the older ones that was renovated. I always thought they looked real nice.” Christian pulled his phone out of his back pocket and handed it to change. “Put your phone number in?”

Nodding, Chad took the phone and entered his number. “It’s actually still the one from before. But, I know your phone was broken and everything.” Chad shrugged, stopping at his car a moment later. “I get home usually around four thirty, so any time you want to come after that is good with me.” Chad unlocked his car, pulling the back door open for Christian to slip the guitar in.

Christian walked around the car and pulled the passenger door open. He sank down into the seat and smiled over at Chad. "Nice wheels," he teased. All he could think about was kissing Chad; it was just so natural to do all those months ago and Christian would give anything to be able to do it again.

“Hey, don’t insult my car, she’s a beauty.” Chad laughed softly, stroking the wheel for a moment before starting the car. “Still got your truck?”

"Yeah, can't part with the old Chevy." Christian settled down in the seat and rolled his head to the side so he could study Chad's profile. "Can I tell you somethin'?"

Chad smiled softly at the road, thinking about all the memories they had in that Chevy. “Yeah, anything,” he murmured, turning up the street, a little sad about how close the Windsor was.

"I'm thinkin' about kissing you a lot - and it's distracting - so if I seem really weird it's 'cause my mind is kind of all over. Okay?" Christian smiled shyly and rubbed his hands on his thighs.

Just like that heat burned through Chad and he swallowed thickly, slowly nodding his head. He couldn’t get any words to form until he’d pulled into the parking lot of the Windsor, shifting the car into park. Turning in his seat he faced Christian, wetting his lips slowly. “I wouldn’t stop you. If you, kissed me, I mean.”

"No?" Christian's smile softened and he reached for Chad's hand once more, weaving their fingers together. When he looked up again Chad's eyes were sparkling in the light from the street lamp and Christian closed his eyes for a moment. When he leaned forward, his eyes were locked with Chad's until the very last moment. As his lashes closed once more, his lips parted and caught Chad's bottom lip in a soft kiss.

A while ago Chad had accepted the fact that he’d never have this again with Christian. So to feel the man’s lips, still just as soft as before, moving slowly over his own, it was enough to make his mind spin. Chad couldn’t help a small moan, his hand coming up to rest over Christian’s jaw. Maybe if he were the Chad of before he would have pushed forward, racing through things like he once did. Now though he simply allowed Christian to kiss him, letting his tongue gently pass over Christian’s as his fingers brushed back through the man’s hair.

Christian's entire body was tingling as he pulled back slowly from this kiss. He lingered near Chad, forehead pressed to Chad's temple, the man's breath warm on Christian's cheek. "As good as I remembered," he said quietly. Tilting his chin slightly he grazed his lips across Chad's cheek. "We gonna try this again? You think?"

“You gonna stay in town?” Chad asked softly. The last thing he wanted was to get involved with Christian then find himself crushed again by the entire thing. There was only so much heartache a person could take.

"Yeah. Even if ... even if we're just friends. I think I'd like you in my life, Chad." Christian loosed his fingers so he could slide his hand up Chad's arm until he could curl his fingers around the man's neck. "I miss you, however you'll have me in your life. I'll take it."

“I don’t want to be just friends,” Chad whispered, his eyes closing so he could soak in the man’s heat. “Christian? I’m still so madly in love with you. I never thought I’d get this chance.” Chad laughed nervously, his lips brushing over Christian’s. It was so tempting to just take Christian back to his apartment, but he had to be careful, they both did. “We’ll take it slow though, right? Make sure it’s good for both of us?”

Christian nodded. "Yeah. Slow is good. There's still a lot I'd like to tell you if that's okay." Christian pulled back reluctantly, fingers trailing down Chad's arm. "So, I'm gonna go. And I'm gonna try real hard to wait at least fifteen minutes before I text you and pretend like you didn't get the address in my phone. Okay?"

A warm laugh fell from Chad and he smiled at Christian, nodding. “Yeah, okay. And you’ll come over tomorrow? I promise to make you a great dinner. And I can show you pictures from Jared and Jensen’s wedding.” Chad reached out and tucked Christian’s hair behind his ear, an old habit he didn’t think twice about.

Warmth was trickling down Christian's spine and he could feel a blush creeping up onto his cheeks. "Yeah, I'll bring dessert. Pick up something good on the way." Christian pushed his door open and got out, heading around to Chad's side of the car to pull his guitar out of the back seat. When he leaned down Chad's window was open and Christian's leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. "I'm gonna make you fall in love with me all over again, is that okay?"

The way Chad’s heart sped up had his fingers tightening on the steering wheel and he met Christian’s eyes, slowly nodding. “Yeah, that sounds like a really good thing. I’ll be looking forward to it.” Chad reached out, letting his fingers brush over the man’s stomach. “Talk to you soon.”

“Drive safe.” Christian backed away slowly as Chad drove away. Eventually he dropped his head back and stared up at the sky, a smile on his face.

According to Jared, being nervous was completely understandable. Before Chad had left for school he tugged the crock pot out and put a roast in with loads of seasoning. He remembered the few times he’d made it, how Christian had moaned at the smell upon coming home and told Chad he was absolute best for making him a meal that reminded him so much of being home. Plus, it was easier to cook, and Chad was distracted enough during the day he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to focus through actually making dinner.

After school he changed six times, trying to decide on an outfit that looked casual and unplanned but still made him look sexy. He’d never tried so hard to look good for Christian but he couldn’t help it. After all, it was a Friday, and Chad thought the night might be _late_ for them, hopefully. He took his contacts on and slipped on his new frame, thinner and more delicate, Jared said they made him look sophisticated.

He cleaned up around the apartment, at least enough to make him not look like a slob but like he hadn’t purposefully cleaned. It was challenging work but completely worth it. And it wasn’t until there was a knock at the door and he was turning the lock that he remembered there were still framed pictures of him and Christian on the front hallway. It was too late to move them so Chad just braced himself and pulled the door open, smiling at Christian on the other side.

The smile wavered though, eyes completely caught on the man. His hair was down and curling softly, he wore a dark blue button down and dark jeans. Chad thought he looked absolutely breath taking and he stared for a moment before stepping forward. At first he’d meant just to hug the man but his lips ended up pressing over the man’s, fingers sliding around his neck to hold him there.

The kiss was soft, a little tentative and made Christian's knees weaken a little. His hand moved to Chad's hip, _so familiar_ and he smiled softly as they pulled back ever-so-slightly. "Best hello I think I ever got," Christian murmured.

He'd been distracted all day, thinking about what to say to Chad, how things would go - and _this_... this moment made the whole year worth everything he'd been through. Slow or not, a kiss like that brought back all the reasons why Christian had fallen in love with Chad in the first place.

“Couldn’t resist,” Chad whispered, letting his fingertips move over Christian’s jawline. His forehead tilted against Christian’s, their noses brushing together for a long moment before he pulled back, rubbing his sweating palms on his thighs. “So, hi. Come on in, the place is small but it’s home.”

Chad stepped further back, lifting an arm to gesture into the apartment. He smiled, watching Christian’s expression, waiting for the moment when he caught smell of the roast. Chad had _almost_ not believed that he’d really seen the man, and having him there soothed those nerves. And made his heart explode once more.

“God, it smells good in here. You ...what are you cookin’?” The smell reminded him of when home was _their_ home and it made Christian’s chest tighten a little. Sometimes, it was hard not to think about what he’d lost.

“Pot roast.” Chad’s smile wavered slightly as he watched the emotions flicker across Christian’s face. Once upon a time he would have had no trouble guessing what the man was thinking. “I thought... you always liked it, before, so I thought...” Chad shrugged, laughing nervously. “You didn’t become a vegetarian or something right?”

"Me? You crazy? I can't wait. It's makin' my mouth water just thinkin' about it." Christian smiled as looked around. His gaze cast over the photo of them on the wall and he smiled sadly. Something warmed inside him knowing that Chad had kept them, that maybe there had been good things for Chad to remember too.

It was small but comfortable and Chad had done a great job of decorating the place. Christian wandered closer to the photos and smiled at the wedding photo. "You guys all look great, happy," he said. “They know I’m here tonight?”

“Yeah, Jared is still just as involved in my business as ever,” Chad murmured, laughing softly and stepping up to Christian’s side to look at the picture. “They really did have a beautiful ceremony. It was... well let’s just say I deserved an Academy Award for my performance.” Chad laughed once more and hesitated a moment before laying his hand on the small of Christian’s back. “You thirsty? I’ve got coffee, ice tea, some soda and water.” Chad didn’t have any alcohol, not like he would have been tactless enough to offer it even if he did.

"I'd love some of your coffee." Christian smiled and held up the CD he remembered he was holding. "Oh, here. I brought this for you. It's all the new stuff. I figured then I didn't have to bring my guitar and you could listen later if you wanted." When Chad took the disc their fingers brushed and Christian was pretty convinced he felt the slight touch all the way up his arm.

Fingers curling over the case, Chad smiled down at it for a moment before looking up at Christian. “Thanks, I definitely will.” Chad headed around Christian and set the case on the counter, relieved he guessed that Christian would take coffee and already started the pot brewing. He fixed them both up a mug automatically, carrying them back to the hall where Christian was still looking at pictures. “I hope it’s not weird, that I still have pictures of us up. Felt too wrong leaving them packed up.” He shrugged as he offered Christian his cup.

Laughing, Christian pulled out his wallet and flipped it open so he could pull out a worn pic from a photo booth. It was from their road trip, in some mall somewhere they had stopped for food and Chad had insisted they cram themselves into the photo booth and spend a stupid amount of money for a tiny strip of photos. "Remember this?"

Chad’s heart skipped a beat and he grinned, touching the picture softly with a nod. “You bitched about how cramped that booth was until I finally fell into your lap out on the road and nearly made us crash.” Chad snorted a laugh, pushing a hand back up through his hair. He still thought about that road trip a lot, dreamed about it even, but he didn’t think Christian needed to know that. “I always wondered if you had any pictures of me. You left without any, and I knew your phone was broken. It’s crazy but I almost went after you that day just to give you one of the pictures from the mantel.”

"Not like I was gonna forget you anyway," Christian's smile faded slightly. _That day_ felt like yesterday in so many ways but he knew exactly how long he and Chad had been apart. "Guess we still got some talkin' to do, don't we?"

“Probably. Come on.” Chad tipped his head to the side and led the way to the kitchen, gesturing to the stool tucked under the counter. “I’m just going to throw some biscuits in. So,” Chad hummed thoughtfully as he grabbed the dough from the fridge and turned to preheat the oven. “You mentioned last night, coming out and things about home. Does that mean... what I think it means?”

Sitting on the stool, Christian leaned on the counter and curled his hands around his coffee cup. "Well, I went through a lot while I was gettin' myself together. And I realized that all that hidin', trying to be someone different was eating me alive. S'crazy how that kind of stuff can just take you over."

Shaking his head slowly Christian looked up at Chad and smiled. "I went home when I was sure that I just wanted to be who I was. Told my mama and my Dad. My mama was okay with it. Things with my Dad were never really all that good to begin with, I'm pretty sure having a _fag_ for a son didn't make it any better. That's life though, right?"

“If he’s not willing to accept you for it then he’s not much of a dad. Don’t worry, my dad will more than make up for it.” Chad froze as he realized what he implied with the sentence then laughed. “Sorry. Sometimes it feels like, maybe you were just gone for a little while, not _gone_ , you know?” Chad smiled softly up at Christian, finishing with the biscuits and putting them in the oven a moment later.

"I know what you mean. When I was at the ranch, sometimes I would wake up in the morning and just keep my eyes closed because I could completely convince myself that you were right there behind me. Could almost feel the heat of you, your fingers." Christian's eyes moved back down to his coffee as his voice softened. "Then other times when I was out ridin', it would feel like I could ride a thousand miles and never get close enough to you again."

Chad slowly wiped his hands, staring at Christian with slightly sad eyes. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Christian say anything quite like that and he stepped forward, laying his hand over Christian’s. “I just want you to know, I’ve never held anything against you, never hated you or wished I’d never met you. The way things ended, it was bad, really bad, but I think we both knew at that point that it had to happen. And you look, you look really good. Healthy. Like, maybe you’ve finally gotten yourself to a really great place?” It hurt just a little to know Christian had to be _away_ from him to get there but he wanted that for the man.

"It was you," Christian said softly.

“I didn’t do anything. Actually, I’m pretty sure I did more harm than anything else.” Chad leaned against the counter, fingers stroking slowly over the man’s hand. He loved that it still made his heart race, touching Christian’s skin.

"It was losin' you. That's what changed everything. That was... that was the worst thing that could happen. That was the thing I wasn't sure I could live through." Christian looked straight into Chad's eyes as he spoke, no longer hesitating when it came to telling the man how he felt.

"And I thought about you all the time. How I could be better, for me. So maybe one day, I'd be the kind of guy you always seemed to think I was." Christian turned his hand over so he could grip Chad's hand in his. "Thank you."

A smile played across Chad’s lips and he nodded, wetting his lips slowly. “You’re welcome,” he murmured, not trying to argue Christian on the subject. He could tell Christian was laying so much out on the line, putting himself out there, and Chad appreciated that. “Was there ever anyone else?” Chad had toyed with asking the question all day, not completely sure he wanted to know, but it wasn’t like they were together at the time.

"Since you? Yeah. His name was Calvin." Christian smiled and reached for his wallet. "Wanna see?"

“Um, okay.” Chad schooled back the frown, letting his hand fall back, fingers curl together. He was pretty sure no matter how much he told himself not to be jealous it wouldn’t work.

Christian pulled his wallet out again and slipped another picture out of him seated on an Appaloosa. He was leaned forward with both arms wrapped around the horses neck, face buried in the mane. "John took it, he runs the ranch."

Staring down at the picture Chad couldn’t help laughing, touching the edge softly and shaking his head. “A horse? Kinky Christian.” It felt remarkably good, the relief that washed through him, and teasing Christian.

"And no, no one else. Chad, whether you know it or not - you were the one." Christian shrugged and put the photo away. "And, if you've been with someone else - that's good - you should have been. You - you're kind of amazing."

“I haven’t been.” Chad shook his head and slid a little closer along the counter, laying his palm over Christian’s jaw and brushing his thumb over the man’s cheek. “You were, are, my one Christian. In the beginning I thought I felt that just because it hurt so much to lose you. Then as I moved on with life, Jared tried to set me up, and I just, I knew it would never be the same. Maybe some part of me was hoping we’d still get a chance somehow.”

“Do we have a chance?” Christian finally had to drop his gaze. He caught Chad’s hand and held it tight between his own.

“Yeah, I -” Chad’s breath caught for a moment as his stomach fluttered. He’d always hoped, wished, but to know he really could have the opportunity again kind of made everything flair in him. “I’d say we do. What do you think?”

"I think I'm the one who needs to earn some trust and respect back. Not you." Christian lifted Chad's hand to his lips and just held it there for a long while. Even the scent of Chad's skin was familiar and Christian closed his eyes for a few moments and just breathed.

“But you want to try?” Chad whispered, eyes fixed to his hand where he could feel the heat of Christian’s breath on his skin.

"More than anything." When Christian turned his gaze to Chad, he kept the man’s fingers pressed to his cheek. “I would love a chance for us.” Tears welled in his eyes and his smile widened. “Sorry, I do that a lot more now for some reason.” He gestured to his eyes and wiped then quickly.

Swallowing thickly, Chad shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s good. I like, well I don’t like seeing you cry but I like the emotion I see on your face. And the way you’re more open, talking to me. Kind of reminds me of all the little things I love about you.” Chad couldn’t shake the smile on his lips, just like he couldn’t help dipping forward and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to Christian’s lips. “I’m really, so glad, to have you here.”

“Good, ‘cause you keep kissin’ me like that and my knees won’t work.” Christian dropped their hands to the counter and smiled. “You gonna feed me soon? I didn’t eat all day so I could make sure and get my fill here.”

It was probably wise for Christian to remind him that they needed to eat, because he was pretty content to throw the whole _going slow_ thing out and drag Christian down the hall to his bedroom. Smiling softly he straightened up and turned, checking on the biscuits then grabbing a serving tray for the meat. “So what’s the plan now then? For you? Will you try and find a place here?”

Turning to the fridge, Chad started pulling out all the various things they’d need for their meal, setting them on the counter and nodding toward the table so Christian would know to carry them over.

Christian moved things to the table slowly, mostly because he kept wanting to glance over at Chad. “Yeah, gonna find somethin’ small like we had before. I don’t get many gigs yet, singing by myself but there’s a ranch out of town. John said if I wanted he could give them a call. I talked to him this morning.”

“Would they pay well? What sort of work would that be?” Chad was thrilled at the idea of Christian being close, and there was a nagging something in the back of his mind but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He dished up meat, watching as Christian bent to pick up something he’d dropped. _Yeah_. Good to know Christian still had a great ass.

"It's okay money. Hard work. But I don't so much mind that - in fact, John swears that it's good for me. Good for people like me. I might have to stay, well, I'll find a cheaper place to stay for the first while and save up a damage deposit." Christian leaned on the counter and let his gaze trail down Chad's body. He hadn't changed, a little more muscular maybe like he'd been working out; his hair was longer and Christian certainly liked that. "You work out now?"

“Yeah, with Jared actually. We’re reaching mid-twenties, they say your metabolism slows down around now.” Chad set the tray of biscuits on the stove top and looked over at Christian. “Or well, that’s what Jared says, maybe just to get me to go with him.” Laughing softly, Chad shook his head and crossed to where Christian stood. He stepped into the man without much thought and reached around him, freezing when his lips pressed to Christian’s shoulder. Their hips were pressed together and Chad slowly straightened up. “I um, needed the spatula.”

A soft tingle of heat made its way down Christian's body and he took a long, slow breath in. "It's .. really not a problem." He squeezed Chad's hip and dropped his hand in case he couldn't stop himself from just leaning back in to kiss him. It really was like some kind of torture.

It took actual energy and force to get himself to move away from Christian, even then his lips brushed over Christian’s, a soft moan falling from him. He shook his head, the smile lingering on his lips as he scraped the biscuits off the tray into a bowl. “Look, Christian, there’s something I should tell you.” Chad turned to the man, hand rubbing along the back of his neck. “I still have the money you left.”

Christian's brow furrowed and he leaned back against the counter. "That was for you, it was my money from the tour." He'd never questioned what to do with the money when he'd returned to their place after Vegas. After all, the entire mess was his fault - _he_ was the reason that Chad was going to be looking for a new life. He'd figured the least he could do was take care of him.

“I know. I put it in an interest account. It didn’t feel right to spend it.” Chad shrugged and carried the bowl over to the table, returning a moment later to dish out meat and potatoes onto a tray. “So, it’s yours if you want it. If you don’t then it’ll just stay in the account, and I don’t know, maybe we’ll use to buy a house or something.” Chad pursed his lips, a nervous laugh falling from him. “Way to jump the gun.”

“Well, you keep it there. If one day, you find a good place to use it - then you do that. It’s yours, Chad. Whether I’m here or not. We don’t know if -” Christian smoothed his hair back and folded his arms over his chest then dropped them quickly. “John says folding my arms like that means I’m _closing myself off_.”

Chad set the food on the table, his smile fading slightly as he worked his way through Christian’s words in his mind. “Right,” he said quietly and pulled his chair out. “Well, it’s ready, let’s eat. So this John guy, think you’ve mentioned him ten times in the last five minutes, he really help with everything?” Chad took a seat, dishing food onto both him and Christian’s plates.

“He and Olivia run the ranch. They take in _special_ cases.” Christian smiled and looked down at his food. It looked all kinds of tasty. “John’s got some crazy theories about things; just different ways of doing things. One of the things that he bases stuff on is that people hide stuff, you know? Bury it deep inside. Some more than others and it comes out in different ways for everyone. Me? Drinkin’, trashing my own life. Taking away everything that was good from myself.”

“Wow, that’s, he seems like he really has a good grasp on things.” Chad nodded, putting butter and jelly on his biscuit before pushing the bowl over to Christian. “So he’s kind of like, your sponsor? Like if you’d gone to AA, he’s the one you call when you feel like you need a drink?”

"I could call him, yeah. John thinks it's more important to find people wherever you are. I haven't been to a meeting here yet but I will. It's not as bad now I'm almost a year in. I mean, I know I can't ever drink again, but it doesn't eat away at me like it used to. There are other things that nag at me now but it's more normal stuff, I think." Christian took a biscuit and buttered it.

“Like what?” Chad found he was actually amazed with Christian and how easy it was for him to have this conversation. For some reason he had thought it would be hard for Christian to talk about this, about drinking and everything he’d been through. “I mean, what stuff nags you now? Bad drivers? Cold french fries at McDonalds?” Chad smiled at the man, letting his leg move forward to rest against Christian’s under the table.

“You. The things I did to you, the way I treated you. What you must think of me. I mean, I know I have no control over that but you must have some questions still. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what you think the truth is.” Christian smiled at the warm weight of Chad’s ankle against his.

Chad ate quietly for a few minutes, considering the best way to approach things now he was basically being given a chance to ask what he wanted. “Well I’ve told you what I think of you and I mean it, I don’t hold anything against you, and I’ve long since forgiven you for what was said that one night. I wonder about what led you to the drinking, I wonder if your self worth is still as low as it was back then. Sometimes I wonder if you ever really believed that I love you.” Chad shrugged, staring down at his meat as he cut into it.

Christian cleared his throat and looked down at his dinner as he set his folk on his plate. "I loved you. I loved you very much. Did you never feel that when we were together?" There was no malice in his question, more disappointment than anything. Over the months, Christian had been able to convince himself that maybe things _hadn't_ been as bad as he remembered them.

“Christian, that’s not what I asked.” Chad smiled sadly at him, shaking his head. “I know that you loved me. Even when it was bad, I just, it was hard sometimes but I knew. I want to know if _you_ believed it. That I loved you. Because you hated yourself so much, and even now it seems like you hold so much against yourself, I don’t know how I could be with you if you never believed that I loved you, and that you are worth that love.”

Christian's expression softened and he met Chad's gaze. "Yeah. I know you loved me. I think that's why I ... I think that's why I tried so hard to wreck everything. Because I _did_ believe how you felt, I could _feel_ it - in the way you looked at me. The way you touched me, talked to me - you were always there. So yeah. I knew."

Swallowing Christian laid his hand flat on the table for a few moments. "I still have some trouble sometimes, it's been a long road. But I don't _hate_ myself. I mean..."

Reaching out, Chad his hand over Christian’s. “I understand. Well, kind of. I get that it’s a long road at least. And I’d like to help, however I can. You know, if you need someone to just talk at for a while, or whatever.” Chad shrugged and squeezed Christian’s hand once more before withdrawing and tucking into his food once more. “So I’ve basically drilled you about you life, guess it’s only fair to offer you a chance to ask anything if you want.”

"Did you ever look for me?" Christian smiled and picked up his fork again. He’d wondered it so many times. What if he’d had his cell phone with him? What if he had a home or Chad had known where to reach Christian’s parents?

“That’s all I wanted to do in the beginning, but I didn’t know where to begin. I tried your number but it just said it was disconnected. Then I went back to Tennessee and it didn’t seem like I had much of a chance. After several long conversations with Jared we came to the conclusion that I had to leave it to fate.” Chad sighed softly, more than a little relieved that fate had given him the chance. “Jared said you needed your time, that you needed to get better on your own.”

"He's been real good to you, a good friend." Christian smiled and ate quietly for a few moments. "It feels like we have a lot to say and I know it can't come out all at once but I want it to go faster even though I know it shouldn't," Christian blurted out.

Chad laughed quietly and nodded, pulling his glasses off and rubbing them on his shirt. “God, I know. I can’t even tell you how many times already I’ve thought about just dragging you down the hall to my bedroom.” A blush crawled across his cheeks and Chad pushed his empty plate away.

Christian felt the heat again, pretty much right down to his toes. His eyes widened when he looked up, his lips pressed together to hide his smile. "I may have thought about that. I haven't - I mean, since you. I haven't had sex. So _trust_ me, I've thought about you." Christian felt his own blush rising and laughed. "I mean. Not in a bad way. Good - 'cause you were good, I mean -"

“Of course I was good,” Chad scoffed, grinning at Christian a moment later. “I haven’t either, had sex. So you know, you’ve certainly crossed my mind, in that way, and lots of ways.” Chad slipped his glasses back on, staring at Christian, eyes flickering down to his lips, over his neck. He looked up quickly when those _thoughts_ came rushing in and smiled softly at Christian. “But, you think we should wait? That it would be, better to?”

“For that? We should wait.” Christian pushed his plate back and leaned back in his chair so he could shift his hips a little bit. “I wanna make sure this goes right. I mean -” Christian shivered slightly and smiled nervously. “I can’t lose you again.”

Nodding, Chad smiled softly over at the man then looked away. “I understand. I’m sure in the long run it will be for the best.” Chad would be lying though if he said he didn’t long for the man to touch him again, make him feel _good_ again. “So would you like to watch a movie? Or we could go for a walk or something?”

Christian stood and picked up his coffee cup. "You want some more to drink?"

“Yeah sure,” Chad murmured, eyes turning up to the man. He reached up and caught Christian’s arm before he could move away. “So we’re good now right? I mean, now that we’ve cleared the air, it’s just us moving forward?”

The mug in Christian's hand tilted slightly then thunked down on the table and he grabbed Chad's shirt. Pulling him up roughly Christian slid his other hand under Chad's thigh and lifted him up to slam him back down on the table. He crushed his lips against Chad's, tongue forcing past the man's lips and grazing along his teeth. Silverware clattered to the floor as Christian shoved his way in between Chad's legs.

A deep moan shook through Chad and he wrapped his legs around Christian, drawing him closer and tangled his hands up into the man’s hair. It had been so _long_ since he felt wanted like this and Chad nearly shook, his mouth parting wide for Christian’s tongue to sweep forward. The heat of the man was dizzying and Chad groaned, sucking the man’s tongue hard.

Christian's hands slid up and down Chad's sides, over his ass and them up to comb through his hair. In just a matter of moments he was panting, his heart pounding against his chest wall as he dragged his open mouth down over Chad's chin and along his jaw. "I'm sorry," he breathed against Chad's neck as he shoved the man's shirt aside.

“For what?” Chad gasped, head falling back, body leaning into Christian’s to press against the heat of the man’s lips. Christian’s touch was burning through him, making his mind spin, and Chad couldn’t stop the slow roll of his hips up against the man’s.

"Oh _God_." Christian's hands slid under Chad's ass and urged his hips forward. The heated press of their bodies together was the sweetest kind of torture and Christian let out a low moan. "I want you _so_ much. I've ... I've had dreams about you, _this_ -" Another moan cut off Christian's words and his lips were back on Chad's again. It was a little rough, and yet, Chad's hands were tender - a little tentative and Christian was already so hard his balls were aching.

The hard press of Christian’s lips pulled another deep moan from him and Chad thought he might be losing his mind. He’d forgotten just how deep and rasping Christian’s voice got when he was turned on. “Christian,” he gasped into the soft part of their lips, hands moving down the man’s back, tucking up under his shirt. “We - we either gotta stop or, _god_ ,” Chad moaned, dragging out the word with the forward roll, grind of his hips.

Pulling back with a groan, Christian's fingers tightened in Chad's hair. Pulling Chad closer, he held him there; their lips were almost touching. "You want me to stop? Just say it."

Chad gave himself a minute to think before he pushed forward, arm sliding around Christian’s waist as he turned them and drew the man into the living room, down the hall. His lips moved over Christian’s neck, sliding across his skin, teeth dragging over the man’s ear lobe and pulling out. “I can’t even tell you how badly I want you to fuck me,” Chad nearly purred the words against Christian’s ear, hand shoving hard up under the man’s shirt.

Christian stumbled slightly when the muscles in his legs went weak and he laughed softly into Chad's hair. "I'm shaking," Christian whispered. He pulled on Chad's shirt until it came untucked and just moaned and pulled it up higher until Chad lifted his arms so he could pull it up and off. "God, you feel good. You're so warm, smooth, harder." Christian's palm slid down Chad's muscular chest.

“Fucking relieved you’re still attracted to me,” Chad laughed shakily, pulling back enough to tug Christian’s shirt off as well. They bumped into the wall outside his bedroom and Chad moaned when their bare chests moved together. “Knew this would still be so good, still makes me dizzy, makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.” Chad’s lips ran parted over Christian’s, hips rolling hard against the man’s. He’d never been so turned on, to the point where even moving felt painful, in the best way.

“Where the _hell_ is your bed?” Christian laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chad's bedroom was nice, dark colors, a big bed; not that Christian could actually process much of what he was seeing. His entire being was entirely focused on Chad, his lips, his hands, the heat of his body, the way his arms slid around Christian's neck and held on like he was afraid he would disappear. When they bumped in to the edge of the bed Christian stepped back slightly, blinking as his hand slid up to cup Chad's cheek. "You sure? I won't leave anyway. We can talk, just watch a movie, cuddle." He winked.

“Christian, neither of us have had sex in more than a year, if you want it half as bad as I do then no amount of movie watching will keep this from happening.” Chad grinned, tilting slightly into Christian’s palm and letting his eyes close for a moment. His finger tips moved over the man’s chest, tracing curves and muscles. He wasn’t the only one who’d firmed up over the past year.

Eyes lifting to Christian’s once more, Chad inhaled slowly and let his fingers ghost over the hard bulge in Christian’s jeans. “It’s just us now right? I mean, like, you don’t have to call me your boyfriend or anything, just want to know we’re exclusive.” As if there would ever be anyone who could make Chad feel like _this_.

“It’s just us. Chad.... I’ve never stopped thinking of you as mine. I get that you’re not...but -” Christian combed his fingers back through Chad's hair and changed the subject. "Your hair is longer. I like it. It's... well, it's really hot." There had never been a single thing about Chad that wasn't hot but the long hair really made Chad look kind of exotic. "And the working out thing, we could do that together... sometime."

“We could, I’d like that.” Chad nodded then slowly smiled, flicking Christian’s button free of fabric. “You should know, that I am yours. I never stopped being yours. You know how emotional I get about things, and I know sometimes I tend to latch onto one emotion and just go with it, but I had fully accepted the idea that I’d never be with anyone else but you, even when I didn’t have you.” Chad leaned forward, brushing their lips slowly together once more. He was _still_ addicted to kissing Christian.

"I gotta know one thing," Christian said softly. He backed up a bit, putting some distance between them. "You know - the thing with Steve. You believe me - that nothing ever happened, right? That's - I need to know that. I never touched him."

Chad’s smile dimmed slightly and he dipped his head in a slow nod. “I believed you when you came back to the apartment and explained things more. Probably even before. The more time I had away from it, the more I realized that it was Steve, he controlled all of it.” Chad sighed and scratched along his nose. “I told him to go to your room that night. After we fought and you said, well, I went to his room and asked him to keep an eye on you. It’s horrible what he did, the game he played, but I know you weren’t part of any of that.”

Christian felt relief flood through him and he nodded, lips pressed together. "Okay, _god_... I hoped..." He stepped closer again, tilting his head to the side and peering up at Chad. "Sorry, I just. I needed to know. And, for the record ... I've always loved that you cry. Even when I knew you were hurting, I would always think about how incredible you were for being able to... should we stop talking now?"

“I think we can come up with some better things to do than talk,” Chad murmured, meeting Christian’s step forward and smoothing his hands down Chad’s chest again. “‘Sides, we’ve got the rest of our lives for talking.” A grin stretched across Chad’s lips, lingering there even as he dipped down and began sucking slow kisses down the man’s neck, across his shoulder, fingers slowly slipping the zipper down.

The weight of Chad's hand on his chest made Christian's lashes flutter closed. Each touch felt a million times more amazing than it ever had before. He'd waited so long to feel it all again. Each damn click of the zipper on his jeans seemed too loud in the room and Christian's fingers hooked over Chad's pants to pull him even closer. "You're makin' my heart race."

“Good,” Chad whispered, more than a little relieved when Christian’s zipper was finally open. “You still make me feel all dizzy, like little butterflies dancing in my stomach.” His fingers slid around the edges of the man’s jeans until he could push them down, stepping back a moment later. His fingers came to rest on his jeans and he met Christian’s eyes. “God, the amount of times I dreamed this.”

Christian's fingers tugged Chad's pants lower, hooking his briefs at the same time. His eyes were locked on the waistband until the creamy flesh of Chad's hip appeared. Sliding down Chad's body, Christian's lips found that smooth flesh and he kissed his way along the jut of bone.

Head falling back, Chad moaned softly and arched into the heat of his lover’s mouth. Christian’s lips were burning heat into his skin and Chad’s fingers threaded back through his hair, eyes fluttering closed. “Christian,” he moaned softly, nails scraping over the man’s scalp.

Tilting his head back, Christian gazed up the smooth curves of Chad's body. "You still taste _so_ good."

Chad swallowed thickly and let his head drop down, staring down at Christian. He liked the way the man’s lips were kiss swollen, his eyes dark with lust, and Chad bit down on his lip, swaying dangerously in place. “Bed, gotta sit.”

As soon as Chad sank down onto the bed, Christian pulled the man's pants off and slid his socks off his feet. Chad's body was trembling slightly and Christian leaned down and kissed a path up the man's leg; he knew every scar and bump, every smooth line and curve and moaned. Pushing between Chad's legs, Christian stared up at him. "I love you, Chad. I love you _so_ much it's almost crazy."

The air left Chad’s lungs in a soft whoosh and he stared down at the man, riding the race of his heart and the quick rush of blood in his ears. “I love you too,” he whispered, reaching out to tuck hair behind Christian’s ear. It felt so _good_ to hear Christian say that, Chad had to take a moment to remind himself this was real, it wasn’t a dream. “I will always love you.”

Christian kicked out of his pants as he stood and then crawled up Chad's body. He laughed softly when Chad tried to scramble up higher on the bed and then sank down onto the naked body below him. _Heat_ and soft and _Jesus_ Christian knew his heart was going to beat itself silent from pleasure. "Fuck," he whispered.

Almost instantly Chad was arching up into Christian, his eyes fluttering closed as he drank in the pleasure of his lover’s body over him. It felt a thousand times better than it ever had before and Chad moaned, nails scraping up Christian’s back. “Oh god, forgot how much I liked you over me,” he gasped the words, rolling his body up against his lover’s eagerly.

Christian's muscles shuddered as he pushed himself up slightly. Staring down into the ice blue eyes he smiled, hair sweeping forward and trailing over Chad's skin. Every breath he took in felt hotter than the last as though they were heating up the air around them. His hips pressed down, their cocks slid together and Christian moaned. Falling back down against Chad he buried his face in the man's neck, licking and biting. "I can't ... I want you now," he mumbled between kisses.

“I’m not stopping you,” Chad murmured through a shaky laugh, head tilting to the side to give Christian’s lips more room. He spread his legs, letting Christian fall between, and he turned, letting his cheek brush against Christian’s. “I want you, want you in me, haven’t - haven’t touched...” Heat crawled up Chad’s cheeks and Christian’s breath on his skin only made him feel it stronger.

"Haven't touched ... what?" Christian's lips slid along Chad's collar bone, sucking it, tracing the width of it with his teeth. He reached out, habit leading his hand to the top drawer by the bed. A smiled curled Christian's lips when he found a bottle there. "Haven't. Touched. What." He slid off Chad's body and pressed up against his side, cock riding the groove at the top of his thigh.

“Jesus,” Chad sucked in a quick breath, eyes blinking rapidly a few times to clear away the hard slam of lust before he looked over. “I haven’t... fingered myself. Or anything. I mean, well duh I jacked off, still human, just not, yeah.” Chad groaned and dropped his arm over his face. “You used your evil hypnotism on me, it’s not fair. You know I can’t resist your voice.”

"Got no idea what you mean, Chad." Christian rested his chin on Chad's shoulder and spoke softly against his ear. Nipping at Chad's earlobe he slicked his fingers and trailed a fingertip down the underside of Chad's cock. "Tell me how much you want me," he rasped.

The words made Chad smile and his legs spread a little further apart, hips curving up into Christian’s touch. “God, so much. I- it’s all I can think about Christian, you in me, you over me. I need it. Need you in me.” Chad reached out, not caring where he touched, as long as it was Christian’s skin moving under his fingers.

Christian's hips were sliding forward, pressing his cock against the heat of Chad's body. He couldn't stop and moaned softly. Chad's words twisted through his brain like a vine and Christian knew exactly how the man felt. There was nothing that would take him away from Chad again.

His fingers pressed against the velvet soft skin of Chad's balls, rolling them gently before sliding deeper and pushing at his entrance. At the moment his finger breached the muscle he caught the _O_ of Chad's lips with his own and thrust his tongue deep into the slick heat.

Moaning loud into the kiss, Chad instantly found himself rocking down against Christian’s finger. He couldn’t help it, he’d always loved Christian filling him, touching him, _taking_ him. His fingers gripped hard in Christian’s hair, holding him there as the man’s finger moved all the way up into him, stretching him. There was the slightest burn and Chad groaned, hips rolling down into the stretch.

“Christian,” Chad gasped into the kiss, heels digging into the mattress. “Please - please more.” He was begging already, which didn’t surprise him as much as he thought it should.

The tremble in Chad’s body had become a shake and Christian hooked his leg over Chad’s to hold him there; close, _his_. His tongue pulled back, teasing along Chad’s bottom lip until he found he couldn’t stand _not_ kissing him and took his mouth once more.

Easing another finger deep inside Chad, Christian licked his way back into his lover’s mouth and let out a moan that was almost a growl. His fingers tangled tightly in Chad’s hair as the man’s body arched up off the mattress again in a sleek bow of muscle and glistening flesh.

Chad had always loved the way Christian spread out against him when he stretched him open and it was no different now, the heat of the man’s body a steady and strong pressing weight against him. Chad moaned and writhed, kissing Christian as hard as he could, muscles clenching and working around the man’s stretching fingers.

By the time Christian had worked three into him Chad had no more patience. He felt like he was losing his mind, like Christian was pulling him apart piece by delicious piece, and he tore back from the kiss, sucking in a deep and greedy breath. “Please, please Christian, need you in me. Need you.” It was boiling down to those basics, all Chad knew, all he wanted.

Christian smiled crookedly. "God, I missed that. You wantin' me like that."

Pushing off the mattress, Christian settled himself between Chad's legs then lifted them to his shoulders. His lips found the sensitive spot just by Chad's knee and he kissed and sucked at the flesh as he wiped his slick fingers over his aching shaft. For some reason he was nervous, maybe it was the weight of finally being back there with Chad after all that time, maybe - it was that there was still part of his mind that wondered if it was all real.

"Chad, I -" Christian's hands shook as they rubbed along Chad's thighs.

“I know,” Chad whispered, reaching up to tuck Christian’s hair behind his ear, ghosting over his shoulders. “It’s... yeah.” Chad laughed softly, head slowly shaking from side to side. There was really no way to describe what this was. Every single part of Chad was looking forward to - was nearly _desperate_ for it - but the weight of what it meant suddenly felt far too _huge_.

“I love you,” Chad breathed, ghosting his fingers across Christian’s lips and smiling softly up at him, body just barely moving up into the heat of Christian’s touch.

The heat and _want_ was too much and Christian grabbed the base of his cock and nudged forward. Emotion and feeling was slamming into him, whirling around like a tornado in his mind and all he wanted to be was _closer_ to Chad. He inched forward, the first touch of clenching heat nearly taking his breath away.

He had to turn into Chad's leg, mouth wide and moan muffled against his lover's flesh. It was nearly impossible to hold back and his entire body was shuddering with pleasure.

Chad groaned and rocked back against Christian, encouraging him deeper with each slide of his hips. Christian was filling him, pulling him apart, and Chad wasn’t really sure he could handle this. All at once it felt like he’d been thrown back into time, as if Christian and he had never parted ways, and Chad hadn’t even realized how much he was missing a part of himself until Christian returned to slot himself back into Chad’s life.

“Oh god, please -” Chad gasped, not caring that the plea echoed from his lips over and over. His hand lifted to tangle in Christian’s hair, tugging as if he could get the man closer so their lips could collide together.

Christian half fell forward then his hips thrust _hard_ and he was buried in heat and moaning against Chad's mouth. Breathing was hard and he gasped for air, hands fumbling to lift his weight slightly. None of the words he tried to get out made any sense and his palm finally smoothed the hair back off Chad's forehead so they could stare into each other's eyes.

He couldn't wait a moment longer and pulled back slowly only slide deeper, press closer. Chad's face was gorgeous; so many emotions, his eyes glazed and dark, sparkling in the dim light.

“Jesus Christ,” Chad moaned, head tilting back into the pillow as his body bowed off the bed. Christian moving into him was quite possibly the best thing he’d ever felt and his nails skid across Christian’s back, legs curling around the man’s waist.

The pace was maddeningly slow in the beginning and Chad thought he really would, finally, lose his mind. Then Christian slammed hard down into him and Chad nearly lurched off the bed as he hit the bundle of nerves up in him, pulling a strangled moan from his lips. “Fuck, Christian, _god_.”

It was intense and perfect and Christian's body was jolted with a kind of desire he'd never felt before. Another shudder had him moving faster, his hips falling into a fast rhythm. The pain from Chad's nails just drove him a step closer to having no control and he braced himself on the headboard so he could stare down at the man writhing beneath him.

He could already feel himself getting _too_ close to the edge and let out a low cry that might have been Chad's name. His hand dragged clumsily down Chad's neck and settled over his heart; fingers curling hard into the flesh.

Each thrust brought Christian harder, faster, right up into that same spot until Chad could barely see. His mind was spinning, his breath short and sharp, and Christian continued to claim him _harder_. It felt like everything outside of them had simply stopped, like it would always just be _them_ and Chad was completely lost in the feeling.

His orgasm caught him off guard, another deep rasp of his name falling from Christian’s lips and the man’s hard forward thrust, and Chad was once more arching up into his lover. All of his muscles tightened, a deep shudder rocking through him as Christian’s name fell from his lips like a praise and his release fell hot between their bodies.

Christian's hand dragged down through the slick come on Chad's belly and his hips stuttered as the clench of his lover's ass brought him to his peak. It was like being wrenched apart and put back together and Christian's cried out as his muscles tightened and he fell forward onto the still twitching body of his lover.

His mouth moved along Chad's neck as their bodies twitched and shuddered with pleasure. He could taste the sweat and sweet of Chad's skin, and slid his arms around his lover's neck to pull him as close as possible.

“Holy fuck.” Chad laughed shakily, turning his face into Christian’s hair and breathing deeply. His own arms slid around the man and his body was shaking, pulse racing as he rode out the last rippling waves of pleasure. “Was it... always like that?” he asked, voice mumbled and thick, slightly hoarse from his deep moans before.

Christian nodded mutely and eased himself free from Chad's body so he could lie half across the man's body. There was no way he was moving any further away than he had too; not then, not ever. It was hard to even move his arm but he managed to get his hand to Chad's cheek, turning his gaze so he could smile at his lover. Tears blurred Christian's vision as his smile widened. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

“Some idea,” Chad murmured, lifting a hand to rub his thumb under Christian’s eye, gathering up the forming tears. “Don’t go.”

Laughing softly, Christian slid his fingers back into Chad's hair. "I'm not goin' anywhere, you think I'ma run off now?" His heart was still pounding and Chad's words made it skip a few beats.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Chad smiled softly, closing his eyes for a moment before meeting Christian’s gaze. “I know it’s stupid, and crazy, and not at all what you meant when you said _slow_ but... don’t leave _here_. Move in with me. I - it’ll be different this time, you and me, and we can really make it work, and I understand if it’s too much, too fast, but I’d just really rather you be with me all the time.” Chad clamped his mouth shut, giving Christian a weak smile and a shrug, his stomach flipping with nerves.

Christian let out a small sigh and closed his eyes for a few moments. "God, you are amazing you know that? The way you love like this ..." Christian nestled closer, lips pressing softly to the corner of Chad's mouth. "We gotta do things right this time. Let's ... can I stay here tonight? We'll talk tomorrow, have lazy breakfast, kiss until it hurts?"

“Does that mean no?” Chad asked quietly, brushing his fingers back through Christian’s hair. He knew the man was probably being a lot more sensible about things. The last thing he wanted to do was fuck things up, even if it did kind of sting thinking about Christian leaving at any point in time. He shifted against the man’s body, tucking as close as he could possibly get.

"It means, I can't lose you again." Christian cinched his arms tight around Chad and nosed into his hair. "It means, yes? Soon? But we talk - there's parts of me I want you to get to know. Okay?" A smile worked its way onto his face as Chad pressed even closer. "I know what you're like, Chad. I'm not running away, or leaving, I'm just... we gotta be okay. You know?"

“I know, and okay.” Chad nodded, letting his eyes fall closed as he breathed in Christian’s scent. It was weird to think he didn’t know parts of Christian, when it still felt like the man was the most important part of his life. It made him wonder just how much he _hadn’t_ learned about Christian in their time together. “There’s nothing really to learn about me, I’m still basically the same.”

“I think you might actually be hotter,” Christian teased softly. He laughed when Chad made a soft snorting sound against his chest. “Seriously. I could end up dead from sex.”

“Nah, we’ll just have to build up your stamina again.” Chad laughed quietly, shifting until he could lay his head on Christian’s chest. “I mostly knew you before right? I mean, I know I was missing some key things but, I still knew you pretty well yeah?”

“Yeah, maybe … maybe I just didn’t know myself. I think you knew what was in me better than I did.” Christian’s smile softened. “You know me, I just want to make sure. Chad? I really _can’t_ lose you again. I just can’t.”

“You’re not going to.” Chad pulled back until he could meet the man’s eyes, small smile on his face. “First of all, you know when it comes to you I have probably the biggest patience level in the entire world. And second, I... you know, when Jared and Jensen got married, all I could think about was how I wanted to marry _you_.” Chad laughed and stroked his fingers down Christian’s jaw. “I want us to get married, and we can buy a ranch if you want, get some horses and some dogs. I’ll teach and you... you can help other people get better, by sharing your story and your music. I want to have forever with you, okay? And this time I’m gonna make sure it sticks.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Christian laughed and slung his leg over Chad’s hip. “You know that you can’t just decide that we’re gettin’ married, right? I mean. I’m a southern boy. I gotta do that right too.” He winked at Chad and nestled down into the soft bed.

Chad laughed weakly and flopped down, shaking his head. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say. I’m not asking you to propose to me or something. Just, you know, you’re supposed to say you want a life with me too and don’t worry, we’ll make it, and you’re ridiculously sappy Chad but I love you and want to be with you. Or, something like that.” Chad snorted, and half draped across Christian, getting comfortable again.

“Wait. Chad Michael Murray, did you just actually _admit_ that you’re sappy?” Christian tried to look shocked but only end up laughing harder.

“Oh my god I clearly need to find a boyfriend much more gay than you.” Chad huffed and poked along Christian’s side, shifting and curling to start tickling the man. He at least knew _that_ about Christian, the best places to tickle him.

"Jesus," Christian blurted out. He squirmed away and then caught Chad's wrists quickly and slammed him over onto his back. Pinning him there he stared down into Chad's face, smile fading slightly. "Chad, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you every morning, fall asleep next to you every night, laugh, cry, and love the hell out of you."

Smiling up at Christian, Chad felt his heart begin to race at the words and he nodded slowly, not bothering trying to squirm out from under Christian. He was pretty content to just rest there. “Good, I’m really glad you want it to. Even if it means you’ll probably tease me forever for being so sappy.” Chad pushed up, brushing his lips across Christian’s. “With a ranch? And horses and dogs?”

"Maybe a place on the outskirts of town? I'd love horses, one for each of us though - gonna teach you to ride. Don't tell anyone but I'm kind of a cat guy." Ducking down, Christian kissed Chad's bottom lip.

“A cat guy?” Chad’s brows rose and he laughed softly. “Mm, I never would have guessed that about you Christian Kane. I suppose we can get some cats.” Chad nuzzled up into Christian’s neck, humming softly. “Will we ride together on the same horse sometime?”

“We can ride together.” Christian pressed another kiss to Chad’s cheek. “Cat and a dog,” he murmured. “I told you there were things that you didn’t know about me and that’s a pretty serious thing.”

A soft laugh shook through Chad and he nodded. “Clearly.” Staring up at his boyfriend, Chad’s smile was soft and fond, his eyes moving across Christian’s expression. “Seriously though, your pace. I want this to go great, and I know I get all ahead of myself sometimes. It’s just okay, you know, if you don’t want to move in right now and get married next week. Whatever you need, we’ll make it work.”

“It’s gonna work all on its own,” Christian murmured. He collapsed down on Chad again and nuzzled into the man’s neck. “I have one problem.”

“What’s that?” Chad whispered, arms slowly wrapping around the man, his hands dragging flat down Christian’s back. Having the man’s weight on him was something he never got tired of.

“You said you weren’t my boyfriend,” Christian mumbled. He was already sleepy - Chad had kind of ruined him for actually functioning any more that evening.

“No, I said you didn’t have to call me your boyfriend if you didn’t want to.” Chad couldn’t shake the smile that pulled at his lips, not that he particularly wanted to.

“Can I?” Christian smirked against Chad’s neck. He had little doubt what the answer would be.

“Y-yeah, of course.” There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be Christian’s boyfriend again, wanted to be the person Christian told others about when he discussed his life. “Will you spend the day with me tomorrow? We can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah.” Christian nodded lazily. “Can I take you ridin’ next week?”

“I’d like that,” Chad murmured, though the idea made him a little nervous. “Never been before, you’ll have to go easy on me.”

“You can ride with me.” Christian yawned and smiled. He had a feeling things were going to be a lot better than he even hoped.

With a sleepy smile Chad closed his eyes and nodded. “That sounds really good.” He turned to press his lips to Christian’s skin, tucking the blanket tight around them. “I love you Christian,” he breathed, his heart flipping with the words.

"I _always_ knew you did."

A slow smile curled up Chad’s lips as Christian turned off the road and drove up a familiar back path. It’d been a while since they came up to this spot but Chad knew it would always hold some special meaning to them and it sent a little swarm of butterflies fluttering through him. Even if they’d been back together for months now, Chad still got that excited little buzz when Christian did things to make him swoon.

“Last time you brought me here you tried to break up with me,” Chad pointed out with a soft laughing, pushing the passenger door open as Christian parked.

Shaking his head, Christian headed around to pull the tailgate on the truck down. Hopping up onto it he leaned back and head out his hand. Trying to hide the smile on his face he pulled one knee up and motioned for Chad to get up. “Get up here. Maybe I’m tryin’ to make this a place where that _isn’t_ what you think of.”

“Well it’s not the first thing I think of,” Chad murmured and climbed up on the tailgate, getting as comfortable as he could and as close to Christian as possible. “I actually think about that first night first. And the kiss.” Chad grinned over at his boyfriend, reaching out to trail a hand down the man’s side.

“Me too, well, sorta. Always thought about different stuff for here.” Christian looked out over the city and smiled as he hand curled round Chad’s neck. “You happy?”

“You know I am.” Honestly, Chad had been happier the last few months then he ever had been before. Being with Christian again was the best thing that ever happened to him. Smile softening, he let his gaze trail across Christian’s face. “And you?”

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life,” Christian said quietly. “Well, I suppose I could be happier. There’s a few things that aren’t right.” Christian put a sad smile on his face when Chad blinked up at him.

Frowning in confusion, Chad’s head tilted to the side. “Yeah? Like what?” As far as he knew, things were kind of perfect. But then, Christian always seemed to have something up his sleeve so it was hard to say.

"You're content with things the way they are?" Christian's eyes widened. "I mean this is okay for you?"

“What?” Chad’s face scrunched up and he picked at the edge of his shirt, shrugging. “Well I mean, you know I want more stuff, like you moving in and all that. But you said it would just come with time.”

“Huh,” Christian shook his head. “Maybe I was wrong … never mind. I’ll do this some other time.” Trying to hide his smile, Christian rubbed a hand across his stubble.

“Hey, what are you talking about?” Chad smacked Christian’s arm, dipping forward to catch his boyfriend’s gaze. “Are you fucking around with me about something I don’t know?”

Christian finally let out a laugh as he slipped his hand in his pocket to pull out a small box. "Here," he said.

Hesitating a moment, Chad looked at the box then back at Christian before reaching out to take it. His breath hitched when he flipped the lid open and stared down at the silver ring there. It was woven with Celtic knots and Chad lifted his finger to trace over it slowly before looking back up at Christian. “Is this... are you, um...” No more words were forming past the lump in Chad’s throat so he merely stared, watching Christian with wide eyes.

Christian tucked Chad under his arm and pulled him against his chest so he could press his lips to the shining blond hair. He smiled, stomach flipping a little with nerves. "I was thinkin' maybe you wanted to marry me. You want to?"

A surprised laugh fell from Chad and he nodded, eyes pricking with tears. Which was just like him really. “Y-yeah. I, wow.” Chad laughed once more and sniffed holding the box to Christian. “Supposed to put it on me.”

Taking the box back, Christian pulled the ring out and slid it onto Chad’s ring-finger. “I called your Dad. He said I could only ask you to marry me if I agreed to come down for playoffs so - we gotta do that I guess.”

“You called my dad?” Chad _might_ have squeaked a little at that, eyes shooting up to Christian. “Holy crap was that totally awkward?” Even though Chad knew his dad liked Christian, and was even happy they got back together, he couldn’t imagine the way the man might have reacted to Christian asking for his _son’s_ hand in marriage.

"Told him that my Dad wasn't able to understand. That he wouldn’t be there for us - and I asked him if I could count on his blessing and them bein' at the wedding for you." Christian tilted his head and rolled his shoulders slightly as emotion welled up inside him again. "He said he'd be honored to be at the wedding of his son to someone who had the kind of courage it took to call." Christian laughed and squeezed Chad.

“Wow.” Chad was thoroughly impressed with his brand new fiancé and he grinned at him, even as his thumb brushed over the ring on his finger. “You did all that and then the best proposal you could come up with was _that_?” Chad snorted, lifting a hand to wipe at his tears a moment later. Teasing Christian never got old.

Shoving Chad off him, Christian rolled off the tailgate and ran up to the highest point of the hill. “I love Chad Michael Murray,” he yelled out as loud as he could. Throwing his arms out he let out a loud whoop and ran back to hop onto the tailgate. Taking a knee he grabbed both of Chad’s hands and grinned at him. “Marry me, Chad. Spend the rest of your life with me, come ridin’ with me on the weekends, cook roast for me all the time and I promise to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Do it properly. Say yes. Say _yes_ you’ll marry me.”

Chad’s heart was racing, his grin so wide it hurt, and he could barely see Christian through the tears in his eyes. Once more he laughed, soft and breathy as he stared at the man. “Yes. Yes I’ll marry you. I can’t imagine anything being better than that.” He lurched forward, throwing his arms around Christian’s shoulder and dragging him in for a hard, deep kiss. He’d never been so happy, each time he thought it couldn’t get better Christian was blowing his mind again. “God, I love you,” he gasped into the man’s mouth.

“Good,” Christian murmured. “‘Cause you’re kinda stuck with me, you know. I’m in this for my whole life. And a cat - you promised me a cat.”

“And a dog, yes, I know.” Chad smiled into the kiss then pressed forward, holding the man close to him. “We’re gonna have a great life,” Chad whispered then laughed once more, falling back into the tailgate and tugging Christian with him. “And our wedding is gonna be even more awesome then Jared and Jensen’s.”

“I didn’t know we were competing with the double-mint twins.” Christian laughed and grabbed hold of Chad again so he could settle back against the side of the truck. “You know I don’t care right, long as it’s you and me. And - I get to pick the honeymoon.” Christian was counting on Chad’s happiness to gloss over the fact that he wanted to plan _that_ part.

“Honeymoon? Well, that sounds oddly suspicious but if that’s what you want to do.” Chad shrugged, grinning at Christian. He was sure before the time came he’d be pestering Christian plenty about what his sneaky little plans were. “I’m not thinking anything big. I don’t want a huge massive thing. But the real question is, how soon does it happen?”

“Well. I thought about that. In about five weeks and, well, three days it’s two years since the moment I first saw you.” Christian’s ducked his head down shyly. He hadn’t even had to look it up - he _knew_. He knew how many days had passed and all the milestones were ingrained in his mind.

“Christian Kane, you really are a sap.” Chad stared at the man with wide eyes then laughed, tipping into the heat of his body. “That might be rushing it as far as wedding plans go but maybe if we offer to help my parents with plane tickets we can make it work.” The idea of getting married on the anniversary of the day they met was the kind of ridiculously sweet thing Chad usually thought of, he was glad to see he was rubbing off on Christian.

“It’s just a thought. Really, I don’t mind. It’s just - I’ve had that day kind of in my mind for a long time.” Pressing his lips together Christian ran his nose through Chad’s hair. “When I was gettin’ clean, when things were the worst; I would try and imagine what things would have been like if I were different. You know, if we were just two guys who met and fell in love - none of the crap.”

“I don’t think we’d love each other as strongly,” Chad murmured, closing his eyes and letting the sensation of Christian’s gentle touches soak through him. “I think, we had to meet that way, we had to go through all of that shit. Maybe to make us stronger together now. Or maybe I was just destined to come into your life and make you better in a way. Because, honestly, without me sounding like I have a huge ego, do you really think you would have gotten better without me? You’d still be in that house, with the band, if you hadn’t.”

“I think we made each other better.” Christian nodded and let out a long contented sigh. “I love being here with you.”

“I love being everywhere with you.” Chad laughed softly, shifting to lay on Christian’s chest. “Did you tell Jared and Jensen you were proposing?” Chad grinned, he couldn’t just imagine Jared’s cheering at that. He’d been really, surprisingly supportive of their relationship and Jensen had struck up a friendship with Christian, which Chad thought was good.

“Thought you might want to tell ‘em.” Christian’s smile broadened and he laughed. He could feel Chad’s excitement and it felt really _damn_ good.

Chad’s grin grew and he nodded. “We’ll have them over Friday night for dinner, I’ll tell them then. Then we’ll just have to wrangle Jared away from planning the wedding. We’ll tell him the day and say it’s going to be a small affair.”

“Small huh?” Christian laughed. He already knew what he was in for.

“Yeah, small. Jared and Jensen, my parents, a few of my co-workers and anyone you want to invite. I was thinking, maybe we could look at the ranch? The space is big enough for anything, we could do a barbecue.” When Christian pulled back and eyed him Chad laughed and shrugged. “What? It should just be a party, we’re making a commitment to each other and we want to celebrate. I’ve never been interested in a big stuffy ceremony. Have you?”

“No. But, well, I thought - I mean. I was hoping. Doesn’t really matter.” Christian grinned. “Sounds great.”

Chad scoffed and smacked Christian’s chest. “Like I’m really gonna let you get away with that. What were you hoping? It’s _our_ wedding, not mine. That was just an idea. Lay yours on me.”

“Tuxes. I wanna see you in a tux.” Christian almost whispered it, sinking a little lower.

“Yeah? Well I’m pretty sure you’d look damn fine in a tux.” Chad smiled, his heart fluttering softly at Christian’s words. He wondered just how much thought Christian had put into the wedding thing. “Okay, we can do it somewhere nicer than the ranch. And we can wear tuxes. Under one condition.”

“Yes. I don’t care what the condition is.” Christian laughed. “Okay. I do care. What is it? The answer is still yes.” His heart was racing a little.

“I want you to perform. Just one song, whichever you want, but I want my parents to hear you sing. And I’ve been bragging to the girls at school for months how amazing your voice is, gotta show you off.” Chad grinned, dipping forward to run their noses together. “Oh and I’m not allowing any alcohol.”

"Well, it's okay if it's there. I'm okay." His arms tightened around Chad. One of the reasons he loved Chad was _because_ he thought about things like that. It wasn't something to be ashamed of, it just... _was_. "Whatever," Christian laughed. "I just wanna do it. I'll sing - been workin' on a song about you."

“Can’t wait to hear it,” Chad murmured and shook his head. “It’s not okay. The alcohol being there thing. I don’t want it there. No one needs alcohol to have a good time, we can have it easily without it.” Chad turned to capture Christian’s lips in a soft kiss, deepening it moments later. “Move in with me,” he murmured into the kiss.

“I’ve got a bag in the truck,” Christian murmured into the kiss. It wasn’t like he didn’t _know_ Chad. In fact, Christian had told his landlord already that he’d be moving out. “Already gave notice.”

Chad pulled back and stared at Christian, laughing a moment later. “You definitely know me better than anyone else.” He dipped in to capture Christian’s lips in another kiss. “Take me home to properly celebrate then,” Chad murmured, shifting his body up against the man’s.

“My pleasure,” Christian mumbled. Of course, it might take them a while to actually get down the hill.

“I hate grocery shopping. The very fact that I’m here at all means I get cookies. Cookies that _I_ choose, not healthy _Chad_ cookies.” Christian was already stepping toward the cookie aisle.

Rolling his eyes, Chad shook his head and glanced down the aisle. “Fine, you pick out your _unhealthy_ cookies and just remember I’m making you work out extra because of that.” Chad laughed and smacked Christian’s ass as he stepped back. “I’m gonna go pick out some cheese for the lasagna, I’ll meet you in the cookie aisle.”

Christian hopped forward and laughed as he whipped around the corner. He’d decided on the chocolate covered marshmallow cookies that had jam in the middle but he wasn’t entirely sure what they were called. Sweeping his hair back off his face he started gaze at the picture on each box off cookies and then bumped into a solid object. Startled he glanced up when he realized he’d bumped into someone. “God, I’m sorry. Was all caught up in tryin’ to find -”

“Hey Christian. Long time no see.” Steve didn’t bother stepping back and Christian was actually shocked enough that it took him a few seconds to move.

“Steve.” There weren’t that many greetings that Christian could come up with that were appropriate for a public space.

“Ya didn’t answer any of my calls or emails. Even called your mama -”

“Yeah. I know.” Christian took a step back, hands clenching into fists. “She told me and I told her not to feel the need to be polite to you if you called again.”

“So - you doin’ okay? You look good. Guess you got over losing the blond.” Steve laughed and leaned against the nearest column.

“You son of a bitch,” Christian said softly. “You set all that up. And all the time I was - you were. You’re shit you know that?” He was pretty sure if he wasn’t completely shocked he might have punched Steve already.

Steve laughed again. “Still a little bitter about losing the _love_ of your _life_ Christian? Weird how people flee when things get bad, huh?”

“Hey babe do you think the mozzarella in this package looks -” Chad cut off sharply as his eyes lifted from the package of cheese to Christian and... Steve. That was certainly a face he never thought he’d see again. Instinctively Chad stepped forward and grabbed Christian’s arm, tugging him back enough to slide in front of. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Steve's brow furrowed then he smiled again but it wasn't nearly as convincing. "So what, you back for round two with the drunk, kid? There's always someone who wants to try and _fix_ things, right, Kane?" Steve peered past Chad at Christian, his lips contorted into a sneer.

Chad stiffened and he felt Christian begin to move forward but his arm snapped up, keeping him back. Instead, Chad stepped toward Steve, finger poking hard into Steve’s chest. “You don’t know Christian, so don’t even imply you do. All you are is a fucking asshole who will never get to have anyone as amazing as him. So shut your mouth and get the fuck out of my sight before I kick your ass.”

Steve slapped Chad's hand away and Christian launched himself forward and swung at Steve's jaw. The only thing that stopped him from connecting was the fact that Chad managed to hold him back _just_ enough. "Don’t you _touch_ him,” Christian hissed. “You are a pathetic excuse for a _friend_ , Steve."

Backing away, Steve laughed nervously. "You always did over-react to things, Kane. Must be the drama queen in you."

“And what have you done with yourself _Steve_?” Chad nearly hissed and wrapped his arm around Christian’s waist, dragging him a little further back. “Because I’m sure the fuck up that you are can’t even come close to measuring to the life Christian has made for himself _without_ you.”

"And you're _not_ invited to our wedding," Christian added. Then for some reason he buried his face in Chad's hair and laughed softly. Maybe it was the look of disbelief on Steve's face, maybe it was knowing that it was a kind of _end_ with Steve... maybe it was just simply saying... _our_ wedding.

Steve blinked a few times and stepped back until he bumped into someone’s cart, spun and headed off down the aisle.

Chad watched until the man disappeared around the corner and slowly turned, eyes dropping down to his still laughing fiancé. “Really? This is funny to you?” Chad was even more surprised when his lips twitched and he was suddenly chuckling as well.

Christian shrugged and leaned in to kiss Chad. "I couldn't think of anything else to say." He laughed softly again and picked Chad up, spinning him around once. "Seriously, he just wasn't the big, bad monster anymore. You know?" The smile on his face was bright as he set Chad back down on his feet. "And he's _not_ invited to our damn wedding. But I wanted him to know you said yes."

Chad hadn’t imagined ever running into Steve again, but if he had it probably wouldn’t have gone like this. Somehow that was okay, because this was _hilarious_. “Well I’m glad to see that he can no longer affect us. Too bad we couldn’t just sit him down and list all the reasons our life is so much more amazing.” Chad pressed his lips to Christian’s smile then pulled back, stepping back a little. “Seriously though, do this cheese look weird? Like, I think there’s a green _tint_ to it.”

Laughing again Christian took the cheese. "Get something else. Let's get two or three kinds and mix them up." Tucking Chad under his arm, Christian wandered a little ways down the aisle. At the last minute he reached out and snatched a box of cookies off the shelf and tossed it in the cart.

The End


End file.
